He Saved My Life

So you might be asking yourself as you read the tittle of my blog, who is He?  He is Jesus.  He saved my life.  To begin with, I will start with where I was before I asked Christ into my heart.

I spent a good deal of my 20's and early 30's hiding who I really was behind a wall of sarcasm and negativity and isolating myself from people.  I had a few friends, and I dated a few different women.  But I never let anyone get close to me.  As time passed I watch both of my sisters (Jenny and Kayla), get married and start their own families.  Something inside of me started to change.  What I wanted out of life changed.  I just couldn't put my finger on it.  Up until that point I had no real plan for my future.  I never gave any serious thought as to whether I wanted a family.  However, when I saw my sisters married, a seed was planted in my heart.

Even before I became a Christian, I was very fortunate to have parents who made me go through Sunday School and Confirmation.  Even though I wasn't following Christ yet, I was exposed to the Bible and His Word. Many kids growing up nowadays don't even get that exposure. I have also been fortunate to have a mentor in my stepfather Gordon Sauer.  I have known Gordon for 10 years now and it has been through watching him interact with people and his attitude in life that I got to see how a Christian man treats those around him.

So, now that I have provided a bit of background, when was "the moment" that I realized I needed Christ in my life?  May and June of 2011.  I had reached a point where I was so frustrated and scared and lacking direction.  Then, one day I went on a date.  I met Charlie (my future wife).  I was freaking out big time. Part of me really wanted to stay and get to know this woman, and the other part wanted to run and hide and not allow myself to get hurt.  Then one day it hit me.  I couldn't do all this alone anymore.  To sort through all of the anxiety, fear, and confusion that I was feeling in my life, I literally reached a point where I got down on my knees and said "Lord I can't do this by myself anymore."  

I asked Him into my heart and life, to be at the very center of everything that I did, and to make me more like Him.  That day, the Lord saved my life.  He forgave my sins, and also more importantly has always loved me no matter what.  When I realized that He believed in me, I realized it was about time that I did.  He saved me from a life of sin, and aimless wandering.  Even before I came to know Him, he was at work in my life.  Previent Grace. 

Since I have given my life to Christ, how have things changed for me?  I started to break down the walls that I had spent the last twenty years building up.  I decided to give my relationship with Charlie a chance, and open myself up.  I began to reach out to those around me and form closer relationships with them.  I began to let myself be involved in the lives of others; to love and be loved. I found a congregation to become a member of, the church where I grew up, and began to form these relationships again.

Also importantly, through prayer and reading the Bible, as well as conversation with my parents, I came to realize that I had been blaming other people and things for the state of my life.  For example, blaming a co-worker for my anxiety at work and telling myself so and so is making me feel this way.  I came to realize that I am responsible and in control of my thoughts and actions.  This has helped me so much in my self growth.  I pray just about every day that God help me with this.  

God is so full of grace, and love.  He loves mankind so much that he sent His only Son to the Cross so that the debt of sin that originated under Adam could be paid for all of us.  God never gave up on me, even when I was ready to give up on myself.  He kept after me, and after me, until I surrendered my life to Him.

So are things a cakewalk now that I am a Christian?  No.  Do I still struggle? Of course.  Part of being a Christian is to take on some of the suffering that Christ experienced.  When we struggle and are in pain, we are to be thankful because that means the Holy Spirit is working through us and changing us into the person God wants us to be.  It is because of God's love and grace that I, a broken wretched sinner, was forgiven and given new life.  I was reborn.  If any of you reading this blog doubt whether God exists or whether he loves you, I stand here today as living proof.  That the living God loves you and wants you to know him, and know you.  

A final word.  I am getting married in eleven days.  For years I struggled with letting people in and opening myself up to loving someone else and being loved.  I, myself, without Christ, am not capable of having a successful and loving marriage.  It is because of His presence and guidance and the strength He gives me, that on October 20th I will stand in front of family and friends and say "I do", and spend the rest of my life with my best friend, lover and soul mate.  Without my relationship with Christ, I never would have had the courage or strength to get to where I am today.