Negativity Creeping Back In

Last month I had applied for an internship in the UW-Milwaukee Library in the Reference Department.  I found out last week that I not only did not get the internship, I did not even get an interview.  I felt disappointed, and a bit upset.  After I applied for the internship, I found myself looking forward to being able to embark upon a new career path.  One where I would discontinue at my current job and move into the exciting library field.  Well, things did not quiet work out that way.  Most of the disappointment that I feel was not from not getting the internship, but that I was still “stuck” in the same place that I have been for eleven years.

As I came to this realization, I also became more conscious that my attitude about my current job had become negative again.  This is of course something that I can be in full control of.  I know that I am blessed to be employed in a stable (as far as I know) job that pays enough to help us sustain our lifestyle.  Nevertheless, I have allowed my old negative view that I have of myself in this position surface again.  I have found one thing that tends to uplift me and improve my view of myself at work.  Reading uplifting Christian books that reminds me who I serve and why.  I am not here for myself, but to serve the living God and to glorify His name.   Even when I am doing a mundane or what I consider boring task, I am helping someone (one of God’s children) and in doing this with a good attitude, I am glorifying His name and spreading his kingdom. 

Therefore, I have gotten away from some of these books and as my stepfather says garbage in, garbage out.  All around me at work and in society, I hear many negative messages.  God, my family and friends act as the counterbalance to that.  If I do not a situation in my life, then there either are two things I can do do something about it, or accept it. Obviously, I am going back to school so I can get the education that I need to get a job in the library field.  My motivation to look for part time jobs right now is that if I find one and get a foothold this can only be a positive in the long run.

Being back in school, I feel like a part of myself has been reborn.  A long dormant part of me, the scholar.  The scholar/student in me loves to learn, and loves to be challenged intellectually.  I got that in spades my first semester back in graduate school and there was an emotional fulfillment I feel that is awesome.  My negative attitude about my job comes from the view that I hold of myself in it.  That is I look down on myself for being in a job that requires very little intellectual effort to do.  Then I am devaluating the positive aspects that this job has provided me.  Namely the experience and knowledge that I have gained working with different types of people.  I know that God can use me where I am “bloom where you are planted.”  In order to help to do that my resolution in the New Year is to work even harder to become a more positive and emotionally healthy person.  However, I will say this, in 2013, I learned to love and care about the person that I have become.