Supportive Spouse

I have been married to the love of my life for a little over seven months now.  I am happy and pleasently suprised at how I have adjusted to married life.  Before I met Charlie I had lived by myself for about eleven years.  One of the things that I had worried about was how would I adjust to living with someone else full time.  Well, obviously there are challenges and adjustements that have occurred and will continue to occurr in the coming days, months and years, but I think that I have adjusted well to married life.

I feel that one of the keys to a healthy marriage is to support your spouse when they are having a hard time with something.  This is one of the areas of our marriage where I think that I have been strong in.  However reality can sometimes help us see that their is room for growth.  For the past almost two months Charlie has endevored to change to a healthier eating lifestyle.  She has been very successful at this.  I try to encourage and exhort her in this endevor.  However, my own issues with diet and body image have sometimes caused a challenge.

I have been through the wars of weight flucuation, food guilt, and body image.  I see Charlie struggle with some of these same things and I want to help.  I have strong opinions and obervations based on my experiences.  More then once however I have caught myself "lecturing" her on how to do something.  She will gently rebuke me for this and keep me in check.  You see what bothers me about this isn't that she rebukes me, but that this was done to me in my child hood.  There was a lot of lecturing and finger wagging and when I catch myself doing that I shudder because I don't want to be that type of parent or spouse.  But thank the Lord I have a wife who helps me to be concious of this.

There has also been more then one time when she has shared with me her struggle with the diet and exercise routine, and instead of sharing in that struggle with her I have been locked in my own head dealing with my own feelings of insecurity and negativity with weight and diet.  I know people might look at me and say but your skinny now so why do you still have these thoughts?  Because mentally I am at many points still an overweight (245 pound) kid in a skinny person's body.  I may not look it, but inside I still feel it.  So, when Charlie is sharing with me her struggles I end up not wanting to talk about this subject and avoid it one because it is generally taboo for a husband to discuss his wife's weight and two I want to avoid my own issues with this what is for me an unpleasent topic.

However, my wife needs me to be emotionally present when she is struggiling with this.  I want to let her know that I have her back and am behind her 100%.  So when I see her hurting or struggiling with this challenge I am now concious of my own stuff and am able to more easily set it aside and be there and present for her.  So while in the short term I may be struggiling with being the supportive spouse in this area the struggle has led me to be more sensative and aware to what she is going through emotionally and more aware of where my own deficincies are here and that I still need to cope with them.  I thank God that I am married tosomeone who allows me room to grow, and gives me a second or third chance to get some of these things right.  I love my wife, she's kind of awesome.  I am so proud of the changes that she has made in her life and leading a healthier lifestyle because she wants to be there with me 40 years from now, rocking on the front porch and enjoying retired life : ).