I have enjoyed my new academic journey so far, but right now, I have hit a wall, and the hardest part of the semester still lie in the future. I am a person that learns material best by not just reading, but also taking detailed notes. The downside of this is that it takes a long time to do for textbook chapters. I find myself wanting to rush through sometimes and finish so I can get all of my work done. I would like to take a break (a day or two) but if I do this then I will start to fall behind and become even more stressed out. Therefore, I face a bit of a dilemma what to do in this situation. That having been said, I love the intellectual challenge and rigor of graduate school. I am just feeling burnout about 4-5 weeks sooner then I would like.
I also have a goal of being an A student in school. I also have a long history of being a perfectionist (those of you who know me please don’t roll your eyes to much), and instead of enjoying my good grades so far I am allowing myself to worry about not losing to many points etc. I need to stop this destructive thought pattern on my own with “you are doing a great job”. If the semester ended today I would have an A in one class and an A/A- in the other, I just want to keep those grades up. Therefore, I need to work my hardest but then be able to let go. People such as my wife, my mom and my stepdad and my therapist have been telling me this for a long time. I am not quite there yet with the letting go, but I have made progress on the replacing a negative thought with a positive thought. That is awesome!
Now I need to ask myself, how can I help my stress level without allowing it to negatively affect my long-term goals? Back in the old days when I would feel stressed out, I would isolate myself from people and hide in my apartment. Well, I am not going to go to that extreme seeing as Charlie might miss me ; ) . However, I can take an evening for myself where I exercise, relax, and do something mindless. That is what my body and brain are screaming for. This would obviously be easier to do if I was a full time student. I also work 40 hours a week and I am dealing with people all day there as well. (Being an introvert in a situation like this is a challenge). Therefore, I need to take this me time in small chunks and make it work. I am so blessed to have a wife who is an introvert as well and who understands what I am going through. I am truly blessed.
