Turning negatives into positives

I found out two weeks ago that I did not get an internship that I had applied for with the UW-Milwaukee library.  I invested a lot of time and energy into applying for the position. I really got my hopes up that I would get the position.  When I found out that I did not get the job, my first reaction was very mild.  I reasoned that I did not have the experience that they were looking for.  Looking at it in a positive way, I gained some valuable experience in how to put together a resume from scratch.

Within a few days, however I felt melancholy.  Was it the setting in of winter?  The holiday season, nope it was that I had not gotten the internship.  Specifically, that I would not be able to leave my current job that I have held for 11 + years and begin a new chapter in my life.  I started to allow myself to think that I was “stuck.”  Instead of choosing to view this as a temporary setback, and try to seek new ways to challenge myself in my current position, I felt angry, and impatient.

Over the weekend, I found myself taking stock of where I am emotionally.  I realized that I have allowed myself to drift to far in the negative/pessitimisitc direction.  With that negative feeling, is also a feeling of powerlessness.  That is not an emotionally healthy place for me to be.  Therefore, I started reading one of the books that I had gotten for Christmas called Positive Dog.  I can feed the negative “dog” inside of myself or the “positive” one.  Well, for the past few weeks the negative one has gotten way to fat. 

I personally struggle with feeding myself positive stuff on a regular basis.  I will get something here or there, like a book or poem, or Scripture verse.  I have to remember what started me out on this new life journey that I started in 2011 two things; one I am in control of my thoughts and emotions, and two that I am a new person in Christ.  Every day is a new beginning if only I chose to view it that way.

So now, the challenge is for me to “stay” up.  Part of that is listing all the good things in my life right now: my relationship with Jesus, my marriage to an awesome woman who is helping me to become the best person that I am, a supportive family, a steady job that provides a livable wage, a great congregation to belong to, my wife’s growing faith, the Packers making the play offs, enjoying, thriving and succeeding in school, maintaining a healthy weight and lifestyle, being more conscious of what I am doing and why I do things, and reaching the realization that I am ready for the next challenge in my professional life.

The items that I could choose to view as negative, it being winter, still being at my current job, and not feeling intellectually stimulated I can view as good things if I chose to see them that way.  The feeling that I am ready to move on can serve as motivation to look harder for a new opportunity and it being winter I can use as an extra motivator to exercise and stay in shape.

Negativity Creeping Back In

Last month I had applied for an internship in the UW-Milwaukee Library in the Reference Department.  I found out last week that I not only did not get the internship, I did not even get an interview.  I felt disappointed, and a bit upset.  After I applied for the internship, I found myself looking forward to being able to embark upon a new career path.  One where I would discontinue at my current job and move into the exciting library field.  Well, things did not quiet work out that way.  Most of the disappointment that I feel was not from not getting the internship, but that I was still “stuck” in the same place that I have been for eleven years.

As I came to this realization, I also became more conscious that my attitude about my current job had become negative again.  This is of course something that I can be in full control of.  I know that I am blessed to be employed in a stable (as far as I know) job that pays enough to help us sustain our lifestyle.  Nevertheless, I have allowed my old negative view that I have of myself in this position surface again.  I have found one thing that tends to uplift me and improve my view of myself at work.  Reading uplifting Christian books that reminds me who I serve and why.  I am not here for myself, but to serve the living God and to glorify His name.   Even when I am doing a mundane or what I consider boring task, I am helping someone (one of God’s children) and in doing this with a good attitude, I am glorifying His name and spreading his kingdom. 

Therefore, I have gotten away from some of these books and as my stepfather says garbage in, garbage out.  All around me at work and in society, I hear many negative messages.  God, my family and friends act as the counterbalance to that.  If I do not a situation in my life, then there either are two things I can do do something about it, or accept it. Obviously, I am going back to school so I can get the education that I need to get a job in the library field.  My motivation to look for part time jobs right now is that if I find one and get a foothold this can only be a positive in the long run.

Being back in school, I feel like a part of myself has been reborn.  A long dormant part of me, the scholar.  The scholar/student in me loves to learn, and loves to be challenged intellectually.  I got that in spades my first semester back in graduate school and there was an emotional fulfillment I feel that is awesome.  My negative attitude about my job comes from the view that I hold of myself in it.  That is I look down on myself for being in a job that requires very little intellectual effort to do.  Then I am devaluating the positive aspects that this job has provided me.  Namely the experience and knowledge that I have gained working with different types of people.  I know that God can use me where I am “bloom where you are planted.”  In order to help to do that my resolution in the New Year is to work even harder to become a more positive and emotionally healthy person.  However, I will say this, in 2013, I learned to love and care about the person that I have become.

It's Been Awhile

It has been a while since I last posted a blog entry.  A bit of an update, I finished my first semester of graduate school.  I am certain I got an A in one class and pretty sure that I got an A in my other class to (still waiting on grades for final project).  Therefore, I find myself, in a bit of a lull here before the holiday season starts next week.  I allowed myself to be stressed out during the semester but I also found myself enjoying being challenged on an academic level.  I had not realized how much I missed being challenged like that.  Now I have something to work towards a concrete and solid goal.

I know that my lovely wife will welcome the break.  I am sure she grew tired of me talking about school so much of the time.  Therefore, I am going to try to find a project or project (s) to keep me out of trouble this next month. This past semester I took a course called Foundations of Library and Information Science, and The Organization of Information.  Next semester I am taking Introduction to Archives and Information Retrieval.  The second is one of the four core courses that all students in the MLIS program at UWM have to take.  The course in archives is the intro class in that field.  I am strongly considering a career in archives.  However, I am also keeping my mind open also for public and academic libraries.

I really enjoyed my Foundations class.  A lot of that was the professor I had Dr.Latham.  She uses the Socratic Method in her teaching.  Asking questions and then prodding us to look deeper for answers.  She also designed the writing assignments in the course to help us learn how to write at the graduate level.  Part of these assignments was turning in formal outlines.  The first time I did an outline I found it difficult to do.  Nevertheless, the second time through was much easier.  I found it much easier to actually write the paper, because in the process of doing my research and writing the outline the hardest work for the paper had been done.  Overall, Dr.Latham challenged us to become better thinkers and better writers, because, she wants to see us succeed in the program.  I find that what keeps me engaged and getting bored is that I need to be challenged intellectually or personally by something or someone.  This is one reason my wife Charlie and I are so good for each other.  She challenges me to be a better person then I am.  She keeps me on my toes, so I don’t get bored : ).  She recognizes this in me, and since she loves me and wants the best for me, she challenges me to be the best person that I can be.  I thank her for loving me enough to kick me in the butt and keep me moving : )