Overcoming negative thoughts and ruminations at work

    These past two years I have grown a lot and overcome a lot of self defeating behaviors.  I am able to be in the moment a lot more then I used to as well.  There is on area of my life that I still struggle with some of these bad habbits, work.  As a security officer, I have a lot of free time on my hands.  Time where I just sit there and stare at my computer screen or out the window.

    I have however started to do a variety of different things to try and keep my mind active.  Every day about 9:30 I get up and walk around the main lobby of the building and talk to people, or sit outside, or clean my cubicle.  Anything within the scope of the job that I can do to keep my brain active.  If I don't do this then I find myself "zoning out", my thoughts and brain wonder and the negative stuff comes into my head.  Or more acuratley I allow the negative stuff to come into my head.  I have had some limited success with this.  In general however once I get back to the office and sit down i "zone out" again unless something is going on.  I often feel understimulated in this environment.  I am trying to accept that there might be many days like this and not to despair. 

   I will admit that I feel that a large part of my identity is my job.  I have read that this common for men.  I am starting to realize that who I am is much larger then what I do.  However I feel that to much of my identity is still tied to my job.  This wouldn't be a negative thing If I enjoyed my work.  However, over the years I have built up in my mind a negative stereotype and image of myself as a security officer.  As my stepdad Gordon reminds me "it's a job".  The fact that I am working a job where I make more then minimum wage, have a good boss and have weekends off.  I try to balance those negative thoughts and beliefs with the idea that working where I do can be a positive.  I can encourage people where I work and be a positive influence and maybe even role model because of my faith.  IE people can see it in action. 

   I am working on changing my self talk and self esteem.  To remind myself of the good from working where I do.  It is a long slow process.  The past few months I have let myself slip back into my old mindset.  I don't work with a lot of positive people, and need to keep that negativity from seeping into me.  My wife, parents and friends at church help me with this and I am greatful.  I am not yet at a point where I can pull myself out of a negative thought spiral.  I try and expose myself to books and authors who espouse positive thinking and are encouraging.  I am hoping in the future to be able to defeat these negative thoughts on a more regular basis.