One of the things that no one tells you before you get married is that you will still have a desire to do your own thing. Just because you are now legally and in God's eyes an equal partnership does not mean that you automatically slip into the "we" mindset. I find that this is something that I still struggle with. I come home from work and have in my mind a list of things that I would like to accomplish. However, I realize that there are things that Charlie would like for us to do. Because I am married should the "me" things just disappear?
I think that the answer is no, but I can not be certain of this. I will admit to feeling guilty sometimes for still having my own agenda in my mind. Isn't part of a good marriage putting the other person first and sacrificing for them? Why can't I just let go of all these things that I want to do and just focus on her and us? Maybe that isn't realisitc. Here is an example of what I am talking about: I come home from work and want to go for a walk, Charlie is already home and wants to go shopping. We generally shop together. So do I say no thanks I want to get my walk in, or say sure honey let's go, I can walk later. I don't necessairly think that there is only one answer. Most of the time I will put off my walk until later and go shopping. However when we get back from shopping I feel rushed, because then I want to get the walk in before bedtime.
Anyone who knows me well, knows how much I love my wife, and how I would do anything for her. At the same time even though we are now a partnership both legally and spiritually we are also still both individuals. Individuals who have differing ideas on some things and different ways of doing things. So the key is to adjust to this and communicate and compromise. My way of doing this would be to try and have a daily schedule and plan things out, her approach is more organic and rooted in the day to day. She has gotten me to approach certain things more in this manner. I am guessing that I have also affected her and that she plans certain things out now. So we rub off on each other. She knows how improtant getting my daily walk in is to me. I know that it is important to her that we do our shopping together. The shopping is important to me as well because it is important to her.
So, even though we are now more then 7 months into the marriage and have lived together for over a year now there is still adjusting going on. I can have a routine. But there needs to be enough flexibility built in so that we can still do the spur of the moment things that my lovely wife likes to do day to day. I struggle with this. Just because I still have things that I want to do doesn't make me selfish or a bad husband, it just means that even though I am married, I am still an individual. Just like Charlie is still an individual. I lived on my own for 11 years, we have lived together for less then two, so I continue to adjust, grow and learn. I just want us to grow together through this experience and not apart. I have seen first hand what can happen to a marriage when one person puts their own agenda and happiness above that of their spouse. I am activley avoiding that scenario in our marriage. This is what is on my mind right now. Thanks for reading
Bryan Ericson
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