Staying Thankful

Staying Thankful

When I first became a Christian in 2011, I was very conscious of thanking God every day for everything that He has blessed me with and trying to always have that attitude of staying thankful.  I have read many profiles of people who are able to keep a humble and thankful attitude about the smaller things in life and seem not to grumble or complain about things.  I admire people like this who can find reasons to be thankful and grateful even in the most mundane aspects of life.

By now most of you who are regular or semi-regular readers of my blog know that I come from a background that was very negative.  People in my family did not often pause and reflect on what they had and how that they should be grateful for it.  We complained about things we didn’t like.  As I have said before, I was exposed to a lot of negativity growing up.  I had 30 + years to establish negative thought patterns.  Instead of focusing on what I had and being thankful for it, I focused on what I did not have.  I have read enough Scripture, listened to enough sermons, and talked to enough people to know that this is far from uncommon.  But, when I read those stories about those people who are so focused on the positive I cannot help but want to be more like them.

The impetus for writing this piece is that these past few months I have found myself complaining about the winter weather, and other things.  Instead of focusing on the thought that I am fortunate and blessed to be in a position where I have shelter, food, and people who love me I allow myself to feel “gipped” because I don’t live in a place that has nice weather in winter.  I am focusing on the negative side of this instead of seeing the positive.  I feel a mix of emotions, happy because I am now in a position to be able to see that I can control my thoughts, and disappointed because I vowed to myself that I would not allow myself to slip back into these thought patterns (and I have).  I find it somewhat distasteful how much negativity I have felt emanating from myself lately.  I “feel” more like the old Bryan and less like the man that I know God is making me into.

I have said more than once that I want to be a person who radiates and reflects warmth and love.  I want to be someone who builds other people up, and encourages them.  (All things that I did not have growing up).  I know what it feels like to live in a negative environment and how awesome and energizing it feels to be around people who radiate a positive energy.  I want to be one of these people. I look at Charlie and I see how happy she is and how in love we are, and I know that for at least one person in this world that I am encouraging and building them up.  However, when I am at work I can feel the negative energy inside me and around me and there are times it just eats me up.  This is one reason that I am glad to be leaving this place in a few months.

So I am going to make a request to all my family and friends who might read this.  If you see me being too negative or pessimistic, call me out on it.  If you see me as someone who is encouraging and building other people up, let me know.  Like anyone else who is trying to change and become the best person that I can be, I need encouragement and support to grow.  Charlie has been a great support network to me, as has my church and family.  I will be honest here, when I catch myself being negative and pessimistic, I feel guilty.  I feel that I am letting down my family, friends, Savior and others.  That is a big burden to carry around.  Intellectually I know this is not true, but none the less that thought and feeling is there.  In order to move forward and become the best person that I can be, I am going to renew my focus on surrounding myself with people, ideas and things that radiate positive energy.  Because, once and for all I want to leave the negative energy and my old self in the past where they belong.